Dear Abby: The manipulative niece is playing with her wedding invitations

DEAR ABBY: My niece is getting married. We received a wedding invitation with RSVP and everything, but it is only addressed to my two 11 year old identical twin daughters. My husband and I are not invited to the wedding or reception. There was no communication on how child care will be provided for either event.

Confused, I texted my niece and expressed a desire to discuss possible disharmony in our relationship and to find out what was troubling her about me or what I had done. She wrote back that her wedding was “intimate” and she was only inviting people who are close to her and who play an active role in her life. She hopes that I can respect her decision and still allow my daughters to participate. Granted, we’re not particularly close, but through every difference we’ve ever had, I’ve pushed communication, apologized, and moved forward with solutions and reassurances.

Often my niece’s mother (my sister) asks me if she can spend time with my daughters, and when I’m ready to come over with them, she prompts her mother to tell me, “You’re not invited, just the girls.” .” “I know something is wrong but she refuses to talk, just texts. Such a conversation cannot be conducted via SMS.

I will respect all of my niece’s decisions, but I feel like she is making passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters don’t want to go and are hurt that she treats me so badly. And more importantly, how can I foster a close relationship between her and my daughters when she has disrespected me in the past and I don’t want my daughters to be taken care of? – EXCLUDED IN CALIFORNIA

LOVE EXCLUDED: I suspect your niece is trying to turn your daughters into pawns to antagonize you. I don’t think you should send them to a family function that you are excluded from, especially considering the fact that they have no desire to go. I also don’t think you should encourage her to have a close relationship with someone as manipulative as your niece. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do it straight away so it can be resolved. In the meantime, please don’t play their game because that’s exactly what it is.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.