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TD Bank was caught red-handed…money laundering but I thought it was crypto? – The Shib Daily Newspaper

TD Bank was caught red-handed…money laundering but I thought it was crypto? – The Shib Daily Newspaper

Just when you thought the crypto world was the only place for shady financial dealings, along comes TD Bank, a pillar of traditional banking, to prove us all wrong. In a shocking turn of events, the nation’s 10th largest bank was caught red-handed laundering millions of dollars for drug cartels. Yes, you read that correctly. A bank. Money laundering. Who would have thought? 🤨

TD Bank was hit with a historic $3.1 billion fine for failing to stop money laundering. But wait – shouldn’t crypto be the villain here? 🚨 It turns out it’s not your favorite decentralized, traceable and transparent blockchain technology that helps drug cartels move their mountains of dirty money – it’s good, old-fashioned, brick-and-mortar banks. Who would have thought that when the descendants of Pablo Escobar needed to shuffle through hundreds of millions of dollars, they would walk right past Bitcoin and march into TD Bank with bags of cash? 💼💰

Fines: The new “cost of doing business” for banks like TD? 🤔

Let’s just take a moment to digest this. TD Bank allowed over $670 million to be laundered from three networks. And they are only now paying a “meager” $3.1 billion. That’s a whopping 5% of their total market capitalization! 😱 But don’t worry, TD is really sorry. CEO Bharat Masrani himself apologized, because nothing says “we’re sorry” like a carefully crafted PR statement written by lawyers. 👏

Oh, and they’ve now hired 700 new people to prevent something like this from happening again! Apparently the first few thousand employees simply didn’t realize how much cartel money was slipping through them. Oops! 🤷‍♂️

But that raises a question: If fines are just part of the game, why stop at $3.1 billion? Is this what responsibility looks like in 2024? Does TD Bank just have a “Get Out of Jail Free” card next to their stack of Monopoly money? 🤑

Banks like TD prove once again that they are great at a few things:

  • They punish themselves for their own incompetence.
  • They convince us that they will “do better next time.”
  • And, oh yeah – launder money better than the mafia ever could! 🕵️‍♂️

Meanwhile, cryptocurrency here takes the blame for every financial mishap as if it were a misunderstood, rebellious teenager. I mean, the public ledger that tracks every transaction is a threat to world peace, right? 💀

But seriously, why is Bitcoin under fire for its “risk of facilitating criminal activity” while these traditional institutions launder literally billions for the worst types of criminals? Seems fair. 🧐

“Gift Cards and Cartels” – Sounds like a great sitcom! 🎬

One of the best parts of this story (besides the “mysterious” $470 million in cash deposits): TD Bank employees allegedly received $57,000 in gift cards to sweep these shady transactions under the rug. Because nothing says “keep calm” like some prepaid Visa cards, right? Can we get a TV show about this? We call it “Breaking Banks” – it has a nice ring to it. 🍿

A thought for the future: Is the banking system the true “shadow network”? 🕶️

Let’s face it: if a regulated bank can allow this, what does that say about the rest of the financial system? Is crypto really the bogeyman here, or do the real monsters wear suits and work in Wall Street offices?

We might want to ask ourselves: Why do governments spend so much time and energy scrutinizing cryptocurrencies when the traditional financial sector continues to be the perfect laundromat for cartels, terrorists and pyramid schemes? Is it because Bitcoin and its decentralized cousins ​​threaten the status quo? Or because crypto represents a level of transparency that the banking elite would rather avoid? 🤷‍♀️

Let’s give credit where it’s due. The winners in this saga are not regulators, the public or TD Bank shareholders. It’s the drug cartels. They have found the ultimate partner in crime – the banking industry – while the rest of us argue about whether Bitcoin poses a danger to society. 🏦💰

But hey, TD promises to be better, right? They’ll hire more specialists, check a few compliance boxes, and we’ll all go back to pretending they’ve really learned their lesson this time. And until then, the next time you hear someone blaming cryptocurrencies for encouraging crime, maybe remind them who has actually been running the game for decades. 🧐

Disclaimer: No banks were harmed in the writing of this article. But several billion dollars were recklessly penalized, which they will likely write off on next year’s tax return. 💸

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Yona has no crypto positions and does not hold any crypto assets. This article is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial advice. The Shib Daily is an official media and publication of the Shiba Inu cryptocurrency project. Readers are advised to conduct their own research and consult a qualified financial advisor before making any investment decisions.


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