God’s blessing falls into open hands

Today’s reflection comes from Bindings 2.0 Contributor Ariell Watson Simon.

Today’s liturgical readings for the 28th Sunday in Ordinary Time can be found here.

I still vividly remember the mental calculations that preceded my public coming out. Which friends would I lose? Which family members? Which career paths would I be barred from? What would this mean for my ability to make a living while working in the ministry? During this anxious time, I considered what it would cost to come out and gradually found peace with what I was risking. While I hoped and prayed that my community would accept and support me, I had to prepare for loss. I traded my social and professional security for the promise of an integrated life with my partner.

In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus encounters a person who expresses a sincere desire for spiritual fulfillment. The text tells us that this person has a lot to offer in terms of worldly riches. I imagine he began the conversation with Jesus expecting an “atta boy” for his outstanding religious and moral track record.

Yet despite the man’s religious history, Jesus tells him, “You lack one thing.” Strangely, Jesus does not directly say what that “one thing” is. Instead, Jesus seems to give instructions on how to get it: “Go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” Whatever that “one” is, it is something that can only be achieved by acting with what you have and by reinvesting in the kingdom of God.

This theme of exchanging worldly goods for eternal goods is reminiscent of the first reading from the Book of Wisdom, which proclaims the desire for wisdom, even at the expense of luxury and power. Taken together, these readings suggest that the only way to spiritual fulfillment is to let go of everything else.

In my work as a pastor, I often use the image of each secular blessing as an object that I hold in the palm of my hand. When I close my fingers and grip them tightly, my hand is no longer open to receive anything else. God is waiting to offer the greater gift of eternal life in abundance, but I have no room to grab it while my fist is clenched. I imagine this is why Scripture says of the rich man, “Jesus, when he looked at him, loved him.” Jesus wanted to lovingly bless this person, but knew he had no room to do so to accept the blessing of eternal life because his heart was too attached to the good things of this world.

The process of coming out showed me the things I was holding onto most tightly and slowly taught me to let them go. In fact, the only way to make room for God’s abundant grace is to unwrap my fingers and hold the things of this world—my relationships, my bank account, my job, and my reputation—with an open hand.

Of course, coming out never really ends. Whether I’m coming out to the cashier at the grocery store or to the new boss at work, I always have the same question in the back of my mind: What could I lose? We work and pray for a world where coming out as LGBTQ+ does not involve personal risk. But in the world I live in today, Every coming out carries some risk to reputation, connections, or even safety. With each coming out, I loosen my view of these things and in turn find greater spiritual freedom.

As I look back on the mental calculations that went into coming out for the first time, I can see that many of the relationships and goals I was willing to risk ultimately weren’t at risk. I held them with my open hand and there they stayed. I feel like God has given her back to me and that I have a healthier view of her because I’m ready to let her go.

Other “goods” that I had risked by coming out were actually taken away from me. Like so many of my LGBTQ+ siblings, I have lost friends, family contacts, job opportunities – and more than just a little sleep! – to homophobia. Yet as I think about these losses, Christ’s words echo in my mind:

“Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up his house or his brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the gospel’s sake, which now in this age will not be received a hundred times more: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions and eternal life in the age to come.” ( Mark 10)

I experience the first fruits of this promise when I look around at my life today, full of family and desired family, meaningful work and fulfilling service. In the initial calculations I made before coming out, I did not foresee these unexpected blessings.

I am also still learning to give away other goods more generously for the benefit of others. For example, through coming out, I learned to put my reputation on the line more freely for a good cause. Just as Jesus invited the rich man to share his wealth with those who were materially poor, my faith calls me to use my privilege as a white cisgender person to amplify the voices of the more marginalized members of our community.

Perhaps the rich man lacked “one thing” of freedom—the freedom that comes from knowing what is most valuable in life and being willing to leave everything else behind. Freedom is the unexpected gift that coming out has given my spiritual life. I pray that each of us continues to face the risk of authenticity and grow in freedom with each coming out. May we trust in the blessings of God that fall into open hands.

– Ariell Watson Simon (she/her), New Ways Ministry, October 13, 2024

Related