Praising your child effusively is not a crime, no matter what the internet tells you

“10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child,” “All Good Parents Need to Learn This One Word,” “These Common Phrases They Say to Kids Are Actually Problematic”… the Internet (or at least the corner of it that references I am often pointed out). into) seems to work on the strong belief that there is a universal and “right” way to talk to your child.

I first became aware of this trend, I think, through a series of serious on-camera videos posted by American doctors, often wearing scrubs and stethoscopes, telling me about “this dangerous thing I keep seeing in my… See practice” told. I don’t know what I was expecting—splitting eyes or thumb infections, perhaps—but it turned out to be like praising your child for bravery. Or praise your child for his good behavior. Or tell them not to cry.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and my only blue cotton two-pieces are pajamas, not gowns, but I would like to challenge such advice. Of course, it’s useful to learn other people’s ideas about raising children, and there’s definitely something to learn from other approaches and techniques. That’s why I love playgroups, children’s centers and parks. But I also think that parents and carers – if they are well supported, well informed and equipped with the necessary resources – are very capable of developing their own diction. We can and should be confident that we are able to develop our own sentences and engage in specific dialogue with our specific children. As much as we like the idea of ​​a “right” and a “wrong” way of doing things, I’m not convinced that there can ever be universal rules that apply to all families, personalities, backgrounds, and brains.

When I recently spoke to psychologist Emma Svanberg, known to many of us as a mumologist, she expressed that belief in the One True Script can make the daily work of caring for babies and young people even more difficult . “Being so careful with our language and feeling guilty when we say a word or phrase we consider taboo can cause great anxiety and pressure in our daily parenting,” she told me. “And – unintentionally – it can make it harder to connect with our child because we’re so stressed about getting it ‘right,’ And increase the likelihood that we will say things we don’t want to do because of this stress.”